Day 1

Today I woke up with an uneasy feeling. Didn't feel like getting out of the bed. Got up, got ready. No shower, hardly had any time and it was so cold. 13F superfreezing it was today.I think I would like to live at a warmer nicer place like california or florida, beachy! 

Then I didn't even know what happened I just started crying, felt like missing home. Was I really missing home? or the warmth and love of home. It is what you feel right? So love and warmth is here? Why didn't I feel it? M I missing something in myself? But how can I? I am God's favorite child I know. No, I am complete. Only I need to show and express my self, my love, my true side to others without worrying if I say it right or wrong. Don't hold yourself back, who cares if someone likes u or hate u? U follow your path. Be loud. Be who you want to be. Look back at life, people I used to get shy away from, do they matter anymore? They might have been great friends if you would have expressed your true self to them. Like dilip u showed him your true side, and he is now my good friend. Dilip you're right unique happens to everyone, and it's going to happen to me too. And when I'll be in fellowship I'll have this incredible unique story to tell. Thanks universe for the incredible story and new good friends like him. And yes I didn't express my true self to Dr. David. Forget that he is your teacher, make him your friend. And you'll see the change in him and you'll feel more free.

Then I went into my lil space and listened to songs that soothen my soul. And I was fine. After that it actually went pretty well. I liked how universe was making sure to cheer me up with little little things. Thankyou beautiful uni! 

Even I met Emaya on my way back which I had hardly expected, felt good. I like the way she is, she is very smooth talker. And knows what to say, when to say. I would like to develop great communication skill like her, like Dr. Rolan. And then eating jeevana's bhelpuri and talking to purush was refreshing. It felt good.

Signing off for today.

See you tomorrow.

Memories to be cherished..2013 in flashback!

Here we are stepping in 2014, Let's take it slowly and savour 2013 special moments.

So it was an year of mixed experiences. Planning to focus on the ones that truly nourished me, and others I would take as a lesson.

Spending time with my cousins esp monish and amisha has always been refreshing for me. Love mani's wit and sense of humor and gudia's carefree nonjudgemental fun kinda attitude. So I forced them to come to ldh from maur. Maur reminds me of maamiji, I am sure God is taking good care of her and maybe she'll be back in healthy body now. She always used to cook my fav dish 'kadi' whenever I went there. She loved me as much as she loved Rimpy, maybe a lil less but can you actually quantify love? It is there or it is not.
It was not easy to see her going. It kind of disrupted whole family in maur esp rimpy and baiji were the ones most affected and maamaji. But I always admire baiji for his strength, love how he took care of himself and that way he is more capable of taking care of others. I know now it's fine, still that space can never be filled. I am sure her love still surrounds us. Bless her soul and lots of love for u maamiji.

We went to ludhiana after that, and we played cricket in our street, played monopoly manu got for us, he is crazy over it. Was it before? Doesn't matter. Played badminton with gudia, cycled with her sitting on bar in front of the seat of cycle..oo that was fun. we were in nightsuits, everyone looking at us. and then we teased one lil kid, he liked it too and we raced with him. I love spending time with her.

Then I got my match results, here comes a lesson. Be prepared for what u have to do next? So now I didn't know what to do. Anyways God always shows the way. And on harleen's persuasion I applied in University of Missouri and got observership here. Now it's been 5 months here. It has been up and down ride, no worries, it's just a ride. I made some good friends here. Harleen became my great buddy.

What is the best moment I had in missouri?
cycling
waking up to the most beautiful weather
celebrations with harleen
pancakes at IHOP
great moments with dr. david
chat with dr. kale, like I am talking to a part of myself
meeting dr. nanda, would love to inculcate few of his qualities, so calm and vibrant
meeting dr. rolan, he is such a smooth talker. his handshake is so firm, when he talks it feels like love flowing out of him, so calm and so funny. and such a compassionate wonderful conversationalist
staying with supreet in new jersey, she had 2kids but when I first saw her it felt I am looking at their sister, admire her completely
staying with shilp and his gf, both were very caring and helping
preinterview dinner at university of missouri, felt so easy and at home
talk with annamarie, jodi, dianne, linda, dan, marc, billy, tammy, michelle. it felt so easy and wonderful
bowling experience, dinner on new year's eve, new year's eve was amazing with the cold wind blowing still felt good looking at rolling leaves, lighted tree, beautiful church.

That was 2013 in summary. Now here I am in 2014, ready to be who I have become, more confident, more vibrant, more compassionate, more beautiful both inside out and more fun.

What I would like to happen this year?
I want to Match!
I want to be with my soulmate.
I want to start training for my residency.
I would like to get gifts for everyone with my 1st salary.
I would like to know completely who I am.
I would like to own my true power.
I would like wonderful beautiful things happening to and around me.
I would like to be a great doctor and a superb humanbeing like dr rolan and dr nanda.

Thank you universe for the year 2013 and year 2014. Thank you for making my dreams come true. Thank you.

Sharing the Beauty

May you live your Life

the way a flower does
slowly developing
growing in to optimum
hence unfolding your
enchanting beauty
your love, your wisdom
your accomplishments
spreading like the
flower spreads it's pollen
to pass on and multiply
all that you have become
to enjoy all flourishment
experience purest joy
from the miracles around. ♥I love to become shared♥

most beautiful moments of my life:

1. My brother wrote on wall 'Dr.' Namita Garg when I came back from counselling

2. When after exam we both used to jump on sofas in 6-A and we always end up fighting for a min or 2, again jumping, again fighting and it goes on till mom is back and scolds us

3. manali trip with mani gudia, i did paragliding and rolled in a ball, ball rolling i did with rubi or someone else
but manali trip has always been spectacular

4. when in jam while going to manali and me n gudia trekked down the hill because our bladders were full of waste lol, and we were fighting to go 1st into the dirtiest washroom ever but it felt so good

5. when dhruv said me 'I love you'

6. Having fun with dhruv, iqbal, karn, justina, neha. when we went to subway for my post bday party specially for dhruv as he was bugging me so much for it and he was so well dressed up lol

7. When dustbin got me bday cake at 12 but i couldn't meet him as i was on phone but it felt so good

8. when papa came from office and kissed me on my forehead on my bday, didn't even care to look at any of relatives

9. rohan is my new love, he didn't eat with anyone else but me, plays with me not with his brothers, though i would love we all playing together, he said i like u with such innocence that i just fell in love with that cutie pie in a sec

10. conversations with abhinav, karan and anubhav. esp when karan used to come up to me in lib and ask how its going, it felt good the way he used to motivate me and i could freely talk to him in lib

11.maggi search with abhinav though we didn't find it but still it was worth it as i found verka milk and had a good time

12. the day i spent doing ques in gastro dept, it was awesome! so many wonderful experiences in a single day. thanks for that day god

13. making chocalate brownie on my own in 5mins like the way i read from net

14. each moment spent with muskaan, haven't meant anyone so bindaas, so like me if i let myself loose like she is all the time

15. talk with jasmine, nupur and vibha, most with nupur as i actually used to talk a lot with her, crack my superawesome jokes lol

16. talk with tavankit and jaskaran, shera. esp the one when jaskaran said everyone is good, it touched me to the core, i love such people who appreciate others n night tavankit dropped me off home as i was really late and he offered me, i was bit reluctant but he said its not safe, thanks for such people who care for me
shera is so full of life, he always fools around with me, makes me feel a part of their group

17. night with dimple when we went to get pav bhaji, perfect weather, outdoor settings, n like the kid comes out of me when m with him, got balloons all of them

18. the day spent with anubhav, when we went to get skates. but the best time was when i was looking at those beautiful colorful birds, chicks described by him. and the gurudwara visit later and it started raining, awesome! rains are wonderful

19. from rain i remembered the most wonderful day of my life, the one i spent with ansh n gauri having rainbath, cycling in rain with ansh cycling, me sitting on back and gauri running along holding my hand jumping all the time and singing 'showers of blessings' it actually was showers of blessings, oh she is an angel

20. everytime papa calls me the love in his voice is so deep i can feel it to my core

21. talk with sherry few weeks back as i realized i truly show myself to others its amazing. ovbiously i express myself easily in front of him but i was concealing my true self as i thought he'l think m crazy or something but that day he actually was so touched and truly thanked me for that talk, i love him and i hope he finds his way and i hope tina finds her way too and god pl help her, she needs you i know

22. thanks for people like jassie aunty who cares for me deeply

23. i love taking pange, little small carefree talks with abhinav, he has good sense of humor and sensitivity at same time

24. for gaurav who always ask me my wellbeing, he always give me info, he is good guy and he also told me about the best thing in the world 'tuneIn' radio broadcast from india, my fav thing, its like ihv found everything now

25. monty bhaiya always showing me the path of living my true self

26. all the funny teasing talks with navneet, daman, ankita, amrit, navkiran

bhavesh, tariq, karla, nimali, ha, enas had good memories with them esp with tariq n bhavesh

so many more people always came to make me laugh, help me, care for me, all of them taken into account too


m truly deeply grateful for so much love, care n awesomeness in my life, thanku god for such wonderful people in my life, also  thanks alot for the beeautiful person in the mirror, m in love with my being

hmm so today uncle said how this girl gonna survive out there? but he doesn't know this little heart of mine has lot of light n strength. but the ques is what made him think that? many people think so. u knw the reason.
loosen up. don't hold back. show up, show your true self to others, so what if its different from others. u dont hv to show what they wanna see, don't try to be nice. that u already are. just express ur true self. see each moment as fresh as new. and then work on it. gone is that old shy little girl. dont let it come back. its time to show ur true self which is cool, confident, funny kid. see how much fun u have with rohan. u dont bother about a thing while telling him. oh god thanku thanku thanku for rohan! he s the most awesome little being. love the way he smiles, love the way he runs to me, love the way he talks so innocent. u know jassu n amu can be rohan too if u give them chance. but now they hv opinion abt me. how can i change that? obviously u cant change anyone's opinion but here s the secret. if u show them ur true self rather than running away there opinions will change automatically. i can tell the way amu looks at me he likes me n he s good boy i know. they want to be ur friends. everyone wants to be ur friend if u give a chance. puneet always welcome me with a nice talk. i like him for that. paali he never looked at me to say hi so i stopped looking at him now. nd now he started looking at me. anyways inshort i wanna tell u one thing everyone is good, everyone is nice. sabu has been at times good with u, but then u never opened up so how u expect her to open up with u. obvioously u don't make effort to become friends with them. they are a wonderful family. i know this for sure. i just wanna tell u u gonna meet so many more people but if u wont open up how will they know who u are. but is it necessary to show what i am? dont u want to? dont u want to live in relaxed mode all the time rather than thinking of what to say to break the ice. just put urself at ease. but there is no ice when m with momdad even if i dont speak y it cant be same with others. coz u feel it stupid. hmm so u mean the problem is with me? no there is no problem with u. i just want to say open up, show up and see. what r u afraid of? u really dont care if they accept or reject u. so there is nothing to loose. does it matter if they like u or dislike u? no not even a bit. so lets just give u a break from all ur thoughts and in conclusion. u are  powerful. u can be anything. u can make a change. u can make a difference in their lives by ur positivity and thoughts. so start practicing what u were made to do from now on. bring a power in ur voice. if anyone mocks u, dont be offended, take it positively and turn it into something that bursts into laughter. its ok. begin now, ul make progress each day, ul see. just be the person what u r with rohan and i know evryone will fall in love with u. m in love with rohan <3 thanks god for this conversation. lets talk again late and see how much progress is made.

conversation with universe

Golden... Truckee, CA
"My needs are few," she said. 
"Although I have some wants."
The Universe cocked its universal head and waited expectantly. 
"I need clean air, good food, great friends, ease of riches and a lovely place to live. I want for my imagination to always create great things that are for my highest good and the good of others. If I can have those things, I'd be golden."

And so she was.

creativity

Creativity is in my blood

Cut me out and rainbow will flow out

Now that seems like a line from rainbow veins

Obviously that's what m hearing most of the times

Creativity flows through my body

Thats a safe place I live in feels cozy 

Like a warm hug from an old friend

or a gentle kiss from a passionate lover

I know my poem in not rhyming much 

But thats ok as its resonating with my being so much

So where were we again

Aah creativity is running through me like a drain?

Being creative means not only holding a brush and start painting

Being creative not only means being able to write a poem

Its much more than a painting and a poem

Its a way of expression, its a way of living 

Its a way of being the best, its a way of believing

So I am a creator of my being

Lover of soul is what m seeing 

Being myself is what i live for, not for being the best

But that somehow makes me different from the rest